MERI IRINDIRA NIKULA

Alberto was born the same year as my brother. And a year ago, early last spring, he passed away - on my brother's birthday. They never met and do not know each other. These curiosities just mirror a special connection I felt with Alberto.  The way we humans can be connected with each other with invisible threads that we might partly understand and yet, remain mysterious. 

I first met Alberto only six months before his passing. It was my first trip to Madrid and the first time to create art with a person who has down syndrome. Someone with such creative power, charisma and uncompromising artistry is very rare to meet. We had no common spoken language as my Spanish is very poor and he didn't speak English. Through his highly developed sensitivity for pure presence, intuitive movement and sense of drama we communicated and co-created an improvised performance. ​

​Our connection was made possible by another friend and an artist, Raquel Sakristán. A soulful woman with a special gift for finding a deep co-creative understanding with people with intellectual diversity. It was our shared vision, to have a collective performance with us three as equal creators. She was the one making the container for us to meet and work together. The one communicating through words as well as her intuitive sense. 

Alberto had actually never performed live before. His art has been about creating characters and being photographed. For our shared experiment he chose his own costumes, made his own make-up and improvised all the performative moments. 

​There were lots of 'first times' as we met. Beautiful, inspiring meetings, ideas for future and how to develop what we had discovered together. However, there were as many 'last times' as well. He was the first person I know who died because of the current pandemic virus. Only months after our encounter, he was suddenly no longer with us. 

This news touched me surprisingly deep. Something new had been birthing, so it felt, and now, this process was cut short, all of a sudden. This surprising genius, a unique creative soul, was no longer here with us. 

Tríptico Credits: 
​Collaboration with Alberto de Torres (performer), Raquel Sakristán (performer) and Meri Nikula (vocal artist). 
Vídeo by Alex Lobo.
Place: Matadero Madrid. http://www.mataderomadrid.org/
The white dresses of Meri Nikula and Raquel Sakristán's are designed by Israel Rodriguez.
​

​I have observed how many people have gotten very very confused as to what to believe, who to trust, not knowing what to make of it all. It IS a confusing time and there are some who are intentionally creating more confusion, separation, doubt, fear, anger… And yes, there are many things that are out of balance in this world. As we’ve been intentionally pushed into extreme thinking, I have gotten the message, an invitation for Holding Space. Simply being there, for all the confusion and chaos, so that it can settle and calm down. Like a mother, that safe, sacred observer of all the emotions that wash through a little baby. As best as I can. Allowing it all to unfold. ​

Meri

And finally... the summer came! Even up here in the very North. What a relief, what a joy! And with it, a kaleidoscope of other emotions.  As life is catching up again, after a closed down spring, many of us are still in a rather vulnerable state. 

Life seems to be opening up but there is still a great sense of insecurity. We have learned that everything can change at an instant! If you didn't know that before, by now you will have a full experience of it, throughout your whole being. 

As we are taking baby steps into a more open and active life (the baby in my belly nudging me from inside as I write this!) there is also a sense of awe. Sense of those new steps, wondering, if they will truly carry us, whether they will truly take us forward? Perhaps asking: Am I really able to just walk freely, as my true self, the one that I now have become..? 

I have been in this process of surrendering for many many years now. Most of the time I do live in that space within, where I can truly love myself, without leaving anything out. The good, the bad and the ugly. The beautiful and the overwhelming. Though it will always be a process of becoming, it is wonderful to embrace your fragile human self completely. 

Yes... ouch! It had totally collapsed... there had been so much snow this winter, in this remote forest, that this little cottage simply couldn't hold the weight and had to give in. Smashed. In complete surrender.

I saw my beloved Sacred Space shattered to pieces, but I felt more surprised and curious than anything else. Wow...!! That THIS should happen just now..?! 

And what more, you cannot really be angry at nature. Simply: lots of snow. Heavy weight. Surrender of human structures. No-one to blame or to feel hurt by. Just the nature of life itself playing out. And even more importantly, the nature around this little cottage was unharmed, of course. Simply being there, alive and well, living through the cycles of seasons as usual. Wow. 

​What made this event even more interesting for me, was that I actually came to the forest to perform my latest piece, Migratory Bird. I was to show it on an online seminar, as a part of the Exploration into Possible Futures that I am joining as an artist. So, I had with me a huge nest made of twigs (by Anita Silenius) and me, being a bird-human finding a safe space for my nest. 

The whole concept of this piece is that in the future, we need to become more flexible, as many people will most likely need to relocate, due to climate change. That we must not rely on so many material possessions, but to be able to 'nest' where ever we find enough shelter and safety. So, arriving to my 'home' forest, finding my cottage collapsed, it all fit into this concept even too well..!! 

I was to use my little cottage as a shelter in case of rain, when doing the live-streaming from the forest. This was now not possible.... And it happened to rain that day. So, I took my nest and relocated to my late-grandfather's woodshed instead. This is where I performed. And it all worked our perfectly! 

​Complete surrender into what is. 
Not fighting the situation.
Being open for the solutions to present themselves.

Allowing the not-knowing. 
Listening. Following. Welcoming.
Taking new steps in awe. 
​
This new life.
Different than I could have ever imagined.
Richer and more full of life in all it's complexity.
​

​Blessed be, dear ones. 
I hope your journey is unfolding gently enough..!

If you need support, reach out to me. 
I am here for the greater expansion of us all. 
​

​Meri
​

​
​This child was conceived in a passionate, cosmic love affair that came into my life in December, that took me completely by surprise. I had in fact already declared my self an 'Earth Sexual' as I didn't really feel the need to have a man in my life. But here he was.
​
He wanted to get married and have children, right away. Now I have never been the marrying type…  But here I was, quite unexpectedly immersed in larger than life love. Ok, said my intuition, let’s go for it!! And so we did. And I got pregnant very fast. Just before turning 43. This was huge.

Being the powerful woman that I am, we soon found out that I was triggering his worst fears and traumas... As a healer, I am not going to go with half truths or dysfunctional patterns. The truth has to come forth. But it can be extremely confronting, scary and disorienting. So he pulled away.

He was too confused and afraid to face the situation we now were in. This is not for everyone. There are eruptions and earthquakes that come through me. I shake and question the status quo to renew and expand. And he was not prepared for the full power that moves through me. Bless his soul. He felt the only way for him was to escape this whole situation. 

It has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride for sure! Only in a few months time, from falling madly in love into getting pregnant into having the man escaping and then... having to face the new situation of being a single mother of possibly two children.  Yes, there were moments of grief, anger and disappointment. Yes, there was even that fear of survival, of how would  I ever manage this. But I am guided by forces much stronger than that! 

So I have made a 'survival plan' for getting the basics covered. I have reached out asked for help and received it. The fear is gone and the JOY IS RISING!!! I feel blessed and happy about this situation now. Nothing happens by accident and this is very much guided. This child has a special mission in this world and I am open for his arrival. We are here for him.

I feel this is what is asked of us all, now. After feeling the fear and facing the situation you are now in, that THE WHOLE WORLD is now in, who are you becoming as a result of all this? If all of this was happening for a greater reason, what would it be? 

The illusion of separation is gone. The illusion of 'life as usual' is gone. There is no 'as usual' and the world will continue to turn and transform. The world is ALIVE and we must learn to move with the flows of life. 

After finishing my new drum I bought a crystal from Awonawilona, the teacher. Only on my way back home, in the bus, I saw that there was Mother Mary with a child in it! With her crown and her long dress, sitting gracefully. As if bringing me a message of this Sacred Child arriving with peace and blessings: ''You are safe and you are protected. Have no fear. You are guided and loved. '' 

This crystal stands as my little altar now, at home. It was a miracle for me, having her appear like this. The signs are there, be open for the guidance you are receiving! And trust it. 

Take good care of yourself.
Stay safe and healthy.
Connect with your Inner Peace daily.

​
If you need help in releasing fear, please reach out to me.
​Here is a video for you to get started:

So much love
and infinite blessings
from my soul to yours,

​Meri

It has only been a month.
The vibrant experiences I had with you are still pulsating within me, very much alive.
Oh, Madrid Madrid... what a short yet intense love affair we had! ​​

I never expected to love it so much, the lively Madrid. But there must be some latina blood rushing through my veins! Even though being such a sensitive being who needs a lot of time alone (very Nordic), I do talk with a very loud voice, I do wave my hands when I speak and... I love creating in various spaces with other creatives. 

Since meeting each other in 2018 for Art Ii Biennial in Northern Finland, we wanted to meet again and make something together, me and Raquel Sakristán, a fearless artist and a beautiful soul. We made 3 collaborative pieces in those 3 days I was in Madrid. 

The one I wanted to introduce to you today, is The Web. Something we could call a performance-installation. It is all interwoven into a piece that both shapes a public space as well as makes it come alive with our presence: creating the web, my singing, the connections we make with the people there. 

This time we didn't announce it as a performance, it was simply time for us to test this concept. We met at Matadero Madrid, a huge historical complex, that is now dedicated to culture (art classes, exhibition spaces, events...). I was impressed how they had conserved such old buildings and opened their doors to art! Left everything that could be left as it is, renovating what necessary.

When in the process, people started stopping by to follow our process. We had some very touching moments after this first try-out - our small, spontaneous audience was already international, from Korea, Switzerland... transported together into a realm of pure presence. There were those precious moments when we breathe the same magic for a moment.

Having the spectacular designer's dress from Israel Rodríguez, was also such a gift. I haven't had much contact with the fashion world, it mostly scares me to be honest, but wearing this dress was very special. Pure silk. Spectacular sensation. A girl who saw me going to the bathroom of the exhibition space for changing my clothes said to her father: ''oh dad, look, a princess!''

Even the light came to us at the right moment, creating the perfect natural effect. Some people asked if we had actually planned it so. 

As the autumn rolled along and my schedule got more busy, it became clear to me that I was heading towards exhaustion... AGAIN! Just after having gathered back my strength during the summer when I was not working. Even though I definitely should know better... Still. Feeling the overwhelm creeping in.

 I am right here with you, in spirit, as a human, on this path of constant change.

For your Inner Peace, Balance and JOY, 

​Meri Irindira

 
Things have started flowing to and through me in a more peaceful, fulfilling and meaningful way! One beautiful project I have been involved with recently is a film,  'Precious Balance Walk'  with a group of individual performing artist, who each create a ritual for healing the waters. In Malmö, the very Southern point of Sweden (over the sea, you can see Copenhagen!) I was interacting directly with the sea, through my voice and movement, merging with it. This was deeply inspiring experience that took my work as a healing artist to a new level.

As the forests are burning around the world and the floods and storms rage on Planet Earth, I have become increasingly aware of my role in it all. WE ALL need to start taking a stand and living in alignment with our true values. Is your mind, heart, body and soul all supporting each other, walking on the same path? We are being asked to examine ourselves, our motives for doing things, our emotions, our state of being within.

It is increasingly important for me to connect directly with the Earth. Becoming aware of our intimate connection with nature. Immersing myself in water, warm or cold. Looking deep into my inner state of being: what does it reflect to me? How do I deal with my inner turmoil? Do I take responsibility for my part in every interaction, even when feeling like someone else is to blame? We cannot hide anymore, not from ourselves, not from earth other - not from the world. 

With new  depth and conviction, I am inviting you to start treating your inner world, your body, mind and soul as a microcosm that reflects the greater whole. How can you treat your world better? We need to wake up to a clearer understanding of the interconnectedness of everything. And instead of letting the turmoil take us down and lose hope, WE MUST RISE IN OUR POWER and become even more committed to being the change we want to see in the world. Step by step. Realisation by realisation. Your courage inspiring courage in others. 

Sending you infinite courage and gentle self love. 

From my Ocean to Yours, 

​Meri Irindira

​

However, there has been a sense of needing to be EVEN MORE truthful to my deepest desires. There has still been some fear lurking around, pushing me into trying too hard, instead of simply TRUSTING that the path will clear as I gently walk on.

When burning out, we are forced into absolute rest and silence. From this unexpected call to enter yet another cocooning phase (oh, never expected that there would be the need for this now!!) some delightful new discoveries has been made. For me this means opening the doors to some Secret Gardens within I have not fully allowed to become visible yet! 

I am coming back to honouring my extremely sensitive nature.  There has still been that inner expectation that I should be doing more, trying harder, working more hours to 'make it' as an artist and healer, make a product out of who I am. It feels like what it sounds like... very very hard. I simply cannot function from this frame of mind.

At the same time, the devastation is still spreading across the Earth, our home. There are those who do not recognise the damage we are doing to our home, Mama Gaia, Planet Earth. There are STILL those who are blinded by their greed and short sightedness. Some in very powerful positions.

This brings me to my other renewed dedication - to work even more closely WITH NATURE, to make my creative and healing arts intertwined with the living connection to the Earth. The elements, trees, plants, living organisms. Humans as a part of that web of life, not separate from it.

​Breathing with you.
In silence, in movement, in sadness and pure joy​,

Meri

As I was a child, I was observing, wondering, making my own conclusions. Often, not feeling like I really belong here. This feeling has followed me through out my life. Feeling like an outsider in most situations, not really knowing how to be a human in today's world. 
 
Being a deeply fragile human being is a beautiful, yet such a challenging experience. No matter how powerful we might feel at times, it is inherent in the human experience to be fragile. We start out as helpless, tiny babies - and we all die, no matter how strong or successful we might have been at some point in our lives.  

When I started allowing the spiritual world to take more space in my every day existence, things started shifting. Sense of DEEP BELONING started to replace the feelings of being an outsider. Becoming aware of my energetic, spiritual essence has made it easier to have gentle compassion towards the transient nature of being human.

For me being a 'spiritual being having a human experience' is a continuos journey of courage and expansion. A journey into deepening compassion and understanding. And yet, never arriving to a specific destination.

It is a process of ​accepting all the human flaws, mistakes and everything we don't really want to acknowledge as a part of who we are. It is a process of embracing all of the shortcomings, the pain and the vulnerability and loving yourself, no matter what. No matter how desperate you might feel at times, no matter how deeply hurtful you might have been towards yourself - and other's.

Being  spiritual being having a human experience is about accepting that it is challenging for us all and even though we might have moments of great peace, bliss and pure alignment, there will always be moments when the human parts of us cry out their pain. And we must hold ourselves. We must cradle and caress all of those part of ourselves. As only with love will those parts start letting go. Only by loving ourselves through the humanness can we resurrect ourselves into wholeness. 

Tomorrow we will start the very first Art Meditation - 7 Day Experience. It has been deeply thrilling and often a truly blissful process of creation! Diving deep into the paintings of Pirkko Mäkelä-Haapalinna and letting my Vocal Blessings move through my whole being, has been a transformational journey for me. ​Have a look, take a minute to watch this short trailer and if you feel called to participate, join me in this deep dive through the mystery into greater peace.

​Hold your human self close.
​
Bless your sweet, gentle essence with all the kindness and love you can allow in.
It is a precious process of de-conditioning lifetimes of hurt.

It is a journey of allowing yourself to resurrect, to rise anew,
to face the hardships and shortcomings of your human self and still,
always, allow a new beginning to birth yourself again and again.

As long as you live.

With love,

​Meri

This seemingly simple idea has many layers.
There are some secrets and deep challenges embedded into it.
What does it even mean, you might ask, to be MORE of who you are -
​ are you not being yourself already..? 
​
Yes. Yes you are, already being you! I am who I am. However, we are multilayered beings and many of those layers we might not even be aware of. Layers of social conditioning, what has been expected of us. There are layers of the culture we are born into. Ideals of a good life, concepts and structures that have shaped us and how we respond to the world around us. 

​Who we truly are, then, becomes a little trickier to define! For me it has felt like peeling layer after layer of expectations that I have had for myself. Expectations based on how I have seen myself and the surrounding world. Finding new ways to see this shared reality, I am opening more and more for living in a constant state of unfolding.

I believe we live in a giant sphere of mystery. ​

Would you like to get more deeply connected with your inner world, your inner voice? I would love to go on this journey of discovery and reconnection together with you! It has been my passion to let more and more healing frequencies come through my voice and now I want to guide you into using YOUR VOICE as a tool of reconnection and energy healing.

​Ask your inner knowing if this is for you and trust that voice. My deepest wish for you is to find YOUR PATH of highest knowing and least resistance. It is a challenging but beautiful experience to be here as humans and I want to celebrate this life with all it's juicy variety.

​Much love to you on this Super Sunny February day!
​
May Your Uniqueness Shine Bright.
​
Meri