What a strong year it has been! My life is so full of immense blessings. So much to be grateful for, as if the universe had finally decided it is time to show me how magical life truly can be! And yet... this world is in such state of confusion. The polarisation and extreme thinking keep pushing us from all sides. Against each other. Tearing us apart inside and out. I too have had moments of struggle, exhaustion and feeling inadequate. A full spectrum Life.
Since I learned to consciously channel, I've had the possibility to tune in with inner bliss when in need of clarity, acceptance or love. Having that refuge within yourself is priceless! No matter what happens outside, there is a place of comfort and light, only consciousness away. This is what guides me and makes me ride through even really challenging times with some kind of grace.
An important part of recognising the perfection in our imperfect lives is gratitude. Simply becoming aware of all the blessings in our lives that we easily overlook. Deep, pure, high vibrating Golden Gratitude.
Bringing myself back into the very core of my being,
meeting the world and other people from there.
Guiding others too, into the safety and clarity of their innermost essence.
If only for a moment.
A Golden Moment.
In this process a new Ceremonial Performance was created: The Touch of the Golden Sun. Since we've been pushed and pulled into extremes and grouped together purely from outer expectations, there is an important message to be remembered: we are all unique.
We are all in this together, but each of our paths are different from each other. Becoming aware of what truly nurtures us, is such a key to a fulfilling life! We must find that source and consciously turn towards it. Only then we can start truly receiving, with a sense of awe that fills us up completely. And we must be aware of it! Consciously seeing and receiving life's gifts. In all its' simplicity.
Being alive is pure magic already.
Take in these words and listen with your heart, mind and body:
Surrender yourself to Life!
Enjoy with passion.
Bathe in bliss when the flow touches you.
Mourn deeply, through all your sorrows.
Make your mistakes, when you simply need to.
Then, find your way again.
Bless it all!
Make everything whole
- Meri -
Alberto was born the same year as my brother. And a year ago, early last spring, he passed away - on my brother's birthday. They never met and do not know each other. These curiosities just mirror a special connection I felt with Alberto. The way we humans can be connected with each other with invisible threads that we might partly understand and yet, remain mysterious.
I first met Alberto only six months before his passing. It was my first trip to Madrid and the first time to create art with a person who has down syndrome. Someone with such creative power, charisma and uncompromising artistry is very rare to meet. We had no common spoken language as my Spanish is very poor and he didn't speak English. Through his highly developed sensitivity for pure presence, intuitive movement and sense of drama we communicated and co-created an improvised performance.
Our connection was made possible by another friend and an artist, Raquel Sakristán. A soulful woman with a special gift for finding a deep co-creative understanding with people with intellectual diversity. It was our shared vision, to have a collective performance with us three as equal creators. She was the one making the container for us to meet and work together. The one communicating through words as well as her intuitive sense.
Alberto had actually never performed live before. His art has been about creating characters and being photographed. For our shared experiment he chose his own costumes, made his own make-up and improvised all the performative moments.
There were lots of 'first times' as we met. Beautiful, inspiring meetings, ideas for future and how to develop what we had discovered together. However, there were as many 'last times' as well. He was the first person I know who died because of the current pandemic virus. Only months after our encounter, he was suddenly no longer with us.
This news touched me surprisingly deep. Something new had been birthing, so it felt, and now, this process was cut short, all of a sudden. This surprising genius, a unique creative soul, was no longer here with us.
In these confusing times, the sense of having to seize the moment has grown more and more urgent. We have been pushed and pulled, cornered and restricted. Some of us have left the planet for good. These trying times have exhausted many of us to the bone.
Some moments I am truly longing for those days of freedom, as they now seem to me, with inspiring travel, new encounters and unlimited creativity. However, the legacy of Alberto does live on within me. The curiosity to explore beyond what I have imagined before. However that will look or sound like now, or in the future.
Collaboration with Alberto de Torres (performer), Raquel Sakristán (performer) and Meri Nikula (vocal artist).
Vídeo by Alex Lobo.
Place: Matadero Madrid. http://www.mataderomadrid.org/
The white dresses of Meri Nikula and Raquel Sakristán's are designed by Israel Rodriguez.
My heart is warm with gratitude for having met Alberto de Torres
and having had the privilege to co-create with him.
May his creative spirit move with us from beyond the veils.
Until we meet again!
This past year of 2020 gave me an amazing Baby Boy and a Healing Space of my own. These are the kinds of treasures I had not been prepared for but that changed my life in a profound way, once again. At a remarkable time in history, during a global crises.
It made very clear to me that being true to your
Inner Knowing is not just a lofty concept,
it really is Higher Guidance.
The bigger picture, when we,
from our limited human perspective,
can’t be sure just how it all will unfold.
It has taken me years to arrive to the point when this trusting feels like knowing. We have to choose to trust. We have to choose to listen behind all the confusion, fears, the chaos of the world.
Going through an unexpected love affair, then a break up while being pregnant, asked for some serious dedication from me. I chose to welcome what life had planned for me. I chose to move through my fears, pain, sadness and anger and let it all wash through me, carving me ever more open for life in all it’s colors.
It showed me that if I truly, TRULY
listen to the Voice of my Soul,
despite the fears of my mind,
I will find a beautiful path filled with gifts.
I have observed how many people have gotten very very confused as to what to believe, who to trust, not knowing what to make of it all. It IS a confusing time and there are some who are intentionally creating more confusion, separation, doubt, fear, anger… And yes, there are many things that are out of balance in this world. As we’ve been intentionally pushed into extreme thinking, I have gotten the message, an invitation for Holding Space. Simply being there, for all the confusion and chaos, so that it can settle and calm down. Like a mother, that safe, sacred observer of all the emotions that wash through a little baby. As best as I can. Allowing it all to unfold.
It is not all bad and evil and it is not all good and lovely. Nothing is. And that might be just the whole point: nothing is all good or all bad. There are layers upon layers and only by BEING PRESENT to ALL those layers being revealed, within us, within other people and this whole global society we live in, can we find unity and peace. Within who we are and within this world as a whole.
These are big words and I am aware that life will keep on happening… we are never really going to reach a static state of balance as that is not how life works. As a mother, I am far from perfect. As a healer, I constantly learn and expand. As a human, I keep feeling the feelings, having deeper insights and observing how I keep transforming. As long as we live, life will keep on moving and transforming. The thing is, we simply need to let it. And we need to let ourselves keep changing. Hopefully in a conscious way, so that we open up for more and more space within, giving more space to the new to grow in our world.
Holding the Baby,
holding the World,
And finally... the summer came! Even up here in the very North. What a relief, what a joy! And with it, a kaleidoscope of other emotions. As life is catching up again, after a closed down spring, many of us are still in a rather vulnerable state.
We have been opening up on a very deep level,
to some new realisations about ourselves.
There is such richness of life, with wide range of reactions.
What is bubbling within you, now coming to the surface..?
Are you allowing space for a greater expression of you,
however that might look like?
Life seems to be opening up but there is still a great sense of insecurity. We have learned that everything can change at an instant! If you didn't know that before, by now you will have a full experience of it, throughout your whole being.
We are still asked to look within and stay very present to WHAT IS. Simply. Right here and now. Each moment. Even when making plans, being ready to drop them at a blink of an eye, should the situation require it.
As we are taking baby steps into a more open and active life (the baby in my belly nudging me from inside as I write this!) there is also a sense of awe. Sense of those new steps, wondering, if they will truly carry us, whether they will truly take us forward? Perhaps asking: Am I really able to just walk freely, as my true self, the one that I now have become..?
It may have taken a long time for the ice to melt,
but we are reaching into the core, into the truth of who we are.
And the love that is there, beneath it all, is ready to be felt.
I have been in this process of surrendering for many many years now. Most of the time I do live in that space within, where I can truly love myself, without leaving anything out. The good, the bad and the ugly. The beautiful and the overwhelming. Though it will always be a process of becoming, it is wonderful to embrace your fragile human self completely.
And through this loving of the whole,
even stranger variations of gratitude can happen..! You see...
When I went to my most special place, for the first time this year,
the Mother Forest and my little Meditation Chrysalis there,
this is what I saw:
Yes... ouch! It had totally collapsed... there had been so much snow this winter, in this remote forest, that this little cottage simply couldn't hold the weight and had to give in. Smashed. In complete surrender.
Sounds familiar..? It felt very symbolic to
what many of us have been going through this spring.
Too much pressure. No choice but to surrender.
But the awe-inspiring thing here is that NONE of the glass parts were broken! This structure is mostly windows and ALL of them were intact, including the few glass and porcelain items I had inside. Lying here, through the melting process of all that snow, collapsed, unprotected in the forest, since late March or early April, just when the Corona collapsed the societies... and yet, nothing was broken beyond repair. Only the structure itself had been destroyed.
I saw my beloved Sacred Space shattered to pieces, but I felt more surprised and curious than anything else. Wow...!! That THIS should happen just now..?!
And what more, you cannot really be angry at nature. Simply: lots of snow. Heavy weight. Surrender of human structures. No-one to blame or to feel hurt by. Just the nature of life itself playing out. And even more importantly, the nature around this little cottage was unharmed, of course. Simply being there, alive and well, living through the cycles of seasons as usual. Wow.
What made this event even more interesting for me, was that I actually came to the forest to perform my latest piece, Migratory Bird. I was to show it on an online seminar, as a part of the Exploration into Possible Futures that I am joining as an artist. So, I had with me a huge nest made of twigs (by Anita Silenius) and me, being a bird-human finding a safe space for my nest.
The whole concept of this piece is that in the future, we need to become more flexible, as many people will most likely need to relocate, due to climate change. That we must not rely on so many material possessions, but to be able to 'nest' where ever we find enough shelter and safety. So, arriving to my 'home' forest, finding my cottage collapsed, it all fit into this concept even too well..!!
I was to use my little cottage as a shelter in case of rain, when doing the live-streaming from the forest. This was now not possible.... And it happened to rain that day. So, I took my nest and relocated to my late-grandfather's woodshed instead. This is where I performed. And it all worked our perfectly!
Complete surrender into what is.
Not fighting the situation.
Being open for the solutions to present themselves.
Allowing the not-knowing.
Listening. Following. Welcoming.
Taking new steps in awe.
This new life.
Different than I could have ever imagined.
Richer and more full of life in all it's complexity.
Blessed be, dear ones.
I hope your journey is unfolding gently enough..!
If you need support, reach out to me.
I am here for the greater expansion of us all.
We are living in exceptional times.
My private life has been mirroring this.
I prefer to have no secrets in my life.
So I am going to tell you a very personal story.
First, I want to share with you that I am pregnant. We are thrilled with my 5 year old daughter! She is soooo excited about this new life growing within me. It is truly a magical journey and I feel very very blessed.
This child was conceived in a passionate, cosmic love affair that came into my life in December, that took me completely by surprise. I had in fact already declared my self an 'Earth Sexual' as I didn't really feel the need to have a man in my life. But here he was.
He wanted to get married and have children, right away. Now I have never been the marrying type… But here I was, quite unexpectedly immersed in larger than life love. Ok, said my intuition, let’s go for it!! And so we did. And I got pregnant very fast. Just before turning 43. This was huge.
Being the powerful woman that I am, we soon found out that I was triggering his worst fears and traumas... As a healer, I am not going to go with half truths or dysfunctional patterns. The truth has to come forth. But it can be extremely confronting, scary and disorienting. So he pulled away.
He was too confused and afraid to face the situation we now were in. This is not for everyone. There are eruptions and earthquakes that come through me. I shake and question the status quo to renew and expand. And he was not prepared for the full power that moves through me. Bless his soul. He felt the only way for him was to escape this whole situation.
So how does this relate to the situation we are facing in the world right now? What have I learned through this process that I now see reflected in the collective?
We have to face our fears.
We must become aware of the situation fully.
We need to get in touch with all that is alive within us.
And then, rise above it all to see the Bigger Picture.
And from there, making our decisions.
Aware of the circumstances but NOT directed by fear.
It has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride for sure! Only in a few months time, from falling madly in love into getting pregnant into having the man escaping and then... having to face the new situation of being a single mother of possibly two children. Yes, there were moments of grief, anger and disappointment. Yes, there was even that fear of survival, of how would I ever manage this. But I am guided by forces much stronger than that!
So I have made a 'survival plan' for getting the basics covered. I have reached out asked for help and received it. The fear is gone and the JOY IS RISING!!! I feel blessed and happy about this situation now. Nothing happens by accident and this is very much guided. This child has a special mission in this world and I am open for his arrival. We are here for him.
What I am realising is that this new situation
will require me to step up to a new level,
both as a mother, as a woman and as a healer.
I feel this is what is asked of us all, now. After feeling the fear and facing the situation you are now in, that THE WHOLE WORLD is now in, who are you becoming as a result of all this? If all of this was happening for a greater reason, what would it be?
Are you going to let your fears dictate your path?
Or are you going to RISE UP, into the new, elevated version of yourself?
The illusion of separation is gone. The illusion of 'life as usual' is gone. There is no 'as usual' and the world will continue to turn and transform. The world is ALIVE and we must learn to move with the flows of life.
We are birthing New Dimensions of Existence.
The old structures are falling.
In the creation process we might not see the end goal,
but TRUST the process and take one step at a time.
We can do this. We must and we will.
The New Generations are coming in
and the world will never be the same.
After finishing my new drum I bought a crystal from Awonawilona, the teacher. Only on my way back home, in the bus, I saw that there was Mother Mary with a child in it! With her crown and her long dress, sitting gracefully. As if bringing me a message of this Sacred Child arriving with peace and blessings: ''You are safe and you are protected. Have no fear. You are guided and loved. ''
This crystal stands as my little altar now, at home. It was a miracle for me, having her appear like this. The signs are there, be open for the guidance you are receiving! And trust it.
Take good care of yourself.
Stay safe and healthy.
Connect with your Inner Peace daily.
If you need help in releasing fear, please reach out to me.
Here is a video for you to get started:
So much love
and infinite blessings
from my soul to yours,
It has only been a month.
The vibrant experiences I had with you are still pulsating within me, very much alive.
Oh, Madrid Madrid... what a short yet intense love affair we had!
I never expected to love it so much, the lively Madrid. But there must be some latina blood rushing through my veins! Even though being such a sensitive being who needs a lot of time alone (very Nordic), I do talk with a very loud voice, I do wave my hands when I speak and... I love creating in various spaces with other creatives.
Since meeting each other in 2018 for Art Ii Biennial in Northern Finland, we wanted to meet again and make something together, me and Raquel Sakristán, a fearless artist and a beautiful soul. We made 3 collaborative pieces in those 3 days I was in Madrid.
The one I wanted to introduce to you today, is The Web. Something we could call a performance-installation. It is all interwoven into a piece that both shapes a public space as well as makes it come alive with our presence: creating the web, my singing, the connections we make with the people there.
This time we didn't announce it as a performance, it was simply time for us to test this concept. We met at Matadero Madrid, a huge historical complex, that is now dedicated to culture (art classes, exhibition spaces, events...). I was impressed how they had conserved such old buildings and opened their doors to art! Left everything that could be left as it is, renovating what necessary.
When in the process, people started stopping by to follow our process. We had some very touching moments after this first try-out - our small, spontaneous audience was already international, from Korea, Switzerland... transported together into a realm of pure presence. There were those precious moments when we breathe the same magic for a moment.
Listen for yourself:
Having the spectacular designer's dress from Israel Rodríguez, was also such a gift. I haven't had much contact with the fashion world, it mostly scares me to be honest, but wearing this dress was very special. Pure silk. Spectacular sensation. A girl who saw me going to the bathroom of the exhibition space for changing my clothes said to her father: ''oh dad, look, a princess!''
Even the light came to us at the right moment, creating the perfect natural effect. Some people asked if we had actually planned it so.
Moment of magic.
Those that make you feel truly alive.
Truly in tune with your life's purpose and your part in this world.
I hope some of this magic could inspire you
as we enter the darkest days of the year up here in the North.
Remember your uniqueness and never give up dreaming.
We are at the balance point of light and dark again.
The inner world communicating with the outer world.
Finding the nurturing flow between giving and receiving,
between active and intuitive states of being.
Where are you, with your inner balance?
Do you need more of the doing or more of the listening?
As the autumn rolled along and my schedule got more busy, it became clear to me that I was heading towards exhaustion... AGAIN! Just after having gathered back my strength during the summer when I was not working. Even though I definitely should know better... Still. Feeling the overwhelm creeping in.
It can be very challenging to be highly sensitive.
It requires CONSTANT listening,
going within, connecting with nature,
giving yourself a break.
On all levels.
While you are still alive and breathing!
This gets highlighted even more for me as a mother of a 5 year old. She needs me being fully present in her life. Playing with Mimi can be such a wild ride into the realms of pure imagination! It can create the most amazing situations, where profound ideas get spontaneously presented. This moment above, with the withered calendulas, the skeleton and the dinosaur captured something essential for me, about the short time frame we humans have in this life...
To honour myself, completely, just as I am, I have been taking time off even when feeling it to be counterintuitive, when 'not having the time' for it. Because this precious connection I have with my soul's wisdom and with nature is more important than anything. It nurtures me, inspires me, sustains me. Without this sacred connection, I am only partly present. Without honouring my sensitivity I cannot truly, fully be who I am.
Nature is a source of healing connection for me.
In nature, I walk in a state of wonder and awe.
Magic starts to feel very real and I feel supported and loved by
Mother Earth, Mama Gaia, our home, this planet.
Can you relate?
Do you honour your core essence, your deepest needs, enough?
Could you take better, loving care of yourself?
What would your body, your inner knowing, ask of you?
Could you answer it's call and be the one who loves you the most?
Take a moment to listen within as you receive this Equinox Vocal Blessing.
May you shed what needs to be released.
May you welcome what is asking to arrive.
May you find peace and joy in this journey called life!
I am right here with you, in spirit, as a human, on this path of constant change.
For your Inner Peace, Balance and JOY,
As I write this, it is raining very very hard.
Water is pouring from the sky, as if my house was under a water fall.
Purifying, nurturing, healing rain!
It reflects my inner state of being. After a very dry summer, a pause in the flow, I feel born anew! For several months I was called to be close to home and simply be. To simply BE. It takes courage to simply be, to surrender, to drop everything you are 'supposed to' do, in order to really REALLY let go. And then, you will have the chance to be born again into the next version of you.
Things have started flowing to and through me in a more peaceful, fulfilling and meaningful way! One beautiful project I have been involved with recently is a film, 'Precious Balance Walk' with a group of individual performing artist, who each create a ritual for healing the waters. In Malmö, the very Southern point of Sweden (over the sea, you can see Copenhagen!) I was interacting directly with the sea, through my voice and movement, merging with it. This was deeply inspiring experience that took my work as a healing artist to a new level.
As the forests are burning around the world and the floods and storms rage on Planet Earth, I have become increasingly aware of my role in it all. WE ALL need to start taking a stand and living in alignment with our true values. Is your mind, heart, body and soul all supporting each other, walking on the same path? We are being asked to examine ourselves, our motives for doing things, our emotions, our state of being within.
It is increasingly important for me to connect directly with the Earth. Becoming aware of our intimate connection with nature. Immersing myself in water, warm or cold. Looking deep into my inner state of being: what does it reflect to me? How do I deal with my inner turmoil? Do I take responsibility for my part in every interaction, even when feeling like someone else is to blame? We cannot hide anymore, not from ourselves, not from earth other - not from the world.
With new depth and conviction, I am inviting you to start treating your inner world, your body, mind and soul as a microcosm that reflects the greater whole. How can you treat your world better? We need to wake up to a clearer understanding of the interconnectedness of everything. And instead of letting the turmoil take us down and lose hope, WE MUST RISE IN OUR POWER and become even more committed to being the change we want to see in the world. Step by step. Realisation by realisation. Your courage inspiring courage in others.
I have connected to many amazing new people recently
and I can truly say that I believe positive change is possible!
Let's join forces and create a world wide web of healing, what ever it is that you do.
I am deeply committed.
Are you with me?
Sending you infinite courage and gentle self love.
From my Ocean to Yours,
It seems that many of us are still going through challenging times.
This has definitely been true for me, as the overwhelm that had been building up, finally got to me and burned me out. This might seem strange, as I have been going after my dreams and living pretty uncompromisingly - which in my view should lead me to true freedom and deep sense of happiness!
However, there has been a sense of needing to be EVEN MORE truthful to my deepest desires. There has still been some fear lurking around, pushing me into trying too hard, instead of simply TRUSTING that the path will clear as I gently walk on.
All that is not in alignment with our highest purpose is being released,
for those who seek truth within themselves.
When burning out, we are forced into absolute rest and silence. From this unexpected call to enter yet another cocooning phase (oh, never expected that there would be the need for this now!!) some delightful new discoveries has been made. For me this means opening the doors to some Secret Gardens within I have not fully allowed to become visible yet!
I am coming back to honouring my extremely sensitive nature. There has still been that inner expectation that I should be doing more, trying harder, working more hours to 'make it' as an artist and healer, make a product out of who I am. It feels like what it sounds like... very very hard. I simply cannot function from this frame of mind.
In order to feel at peace I must,
come back in alignment with my Sacred Nature.
And then, ONLY then, move forward
with true joy and deep love for WHAT IS.
At the same time, the devastation is still spreading across the Earth, our home. There are those who do not recognise the damage we are doing to our home, Mama Gaia, Planet Earth. There are STILL those who are blinded by their greed and short sightedness. Some in very powerful positions.
This brings me to my other renewed dedication - to work even more closely WITH NATURE, to make my creative and healing arts intertwined with the living connection to the Earth. The elements, trees, plants, living organisms. Humans as a part of that web of life, not separate from it.
Being the Queen of my own Existence,
I invite you to reign YOUR own inner Queendom!
We don't need to fight for material possessions or power. While we can gracefully receive all that we need, (when not living in direct state of emergency!), we can simply love and appreciate WHAT IS.
No matter how fragile you might feel at times, there is great beauty and strength in your very being. Nature connects me with a sense of overflowing abundance and pleasure. This gentle connection aligns me with my true values and let's so much of the unnecessary burdens simply fall away.
Connect with nature in any way that is easy for you.
Dance for no reason.
Let life itself move you!
Release your overwhelmed mind.
Awaken to the simple sense of wonder.
Take a moment to simply be.
Breathing with you.
In silence, in movement, in sadness and pure joy,
Somehow this world we live in never felt so very real to me.
As I was a child, I was observing, wondering, making my own conclusions. Often, not feeling like I really belong here. This feeling has followed me through out my life. Feeling like an outsider in most situations, not really knowing how to be a human in today's world.
Being a deeply fragile human being is a beautiful, yet such a challenging experience. No matter how powerful we might feel at times, it is inherent in the human experience to be fragile. We start out as helpless, tiny babies - and we all die, no matter how strong or successful we might have been at some point in our lives.
We live constantly between worlds.
When I started allowing the spiritual world to take more space in my every day existence, things started shifting. Sense of DEEP BELONING started to replace the feelings of being an outsider. Becoming aware of my energetic, spiritual essence has made it easier to have gentle compassion towards the transient nature of being human.
For me being a 'spiritual being having a human experience' is a continuos journey of courage and expansion. A journey into deepening compassion and understanding. And yet, never arriving to a specific destination.
It is an every day awakening.
It is a process of accepting all the human flaws, mistakes and everything we don't really want to acknowledge as a part of who we are. It is a process of embracing all of the shortcomings, the pain and the vulnerability and loving yourself, no matter what. No matter how desperate you might feel at times, no matter how deeply hurtful you might have been towards yourself - and other's.
Being spiritual being having a human experience is about accepting that it is challenging for us all and even though we might have moments of great peace, bliss and pure alignment, there will always be moments when the human parts of us cry out their pain. And we must hold ourselves. We must cradle and caress all of those part of ourselves. As only with love will those parts start letting go. Only by loving ourselves through the humanness can we resurrect ourselves into wholeness.
I invite you to take a journey into greater self love with me.
Tomorrow we will start the very first Art Meditation - 7 Day Experience. It has been deeply thrilling and often a truly blissful process of creation! Diving deep into the paintings of Pirkko Mäkelä-Haapalinna and letting my Vocal Blessings move through my whole being, has been a transformational journey for me. Have a look, take a minute to watch this short trailer and if you feel called to participate, join me in this deep dive through the mystery into greater peace.
Hold your human self close.
Bless your sweet, gentle essence with all the kindness and love you can allow in.
It is a precious process of de-conditioning lifetimes of hurt.
It is a journey of allowing yourself to resurrect, to rise anew,
to face the hardships and shortcomings of your human self and still,
always, allow a new beginning to birth yourself again and again.
As long as you live.
Thank you for finding your way to my website! Please contact me for any questions about my work and availability for performing and teaching.